Getting Laid...

Oh, the ongoing saga of my non-functional heating system...I won't bore you with (all) the tedious details, but a different engineer turned up at half-past six last night, looked through the holes in the floorboards, and shook his head.

"Sorry, love. I'll need to lift loads more floorboards, and it's too late to do it tonight. I'll be back first thing in the morning!"

Now, where have I heard that before?

By half past ten this morning, I had three upstairs rooms with walls, but no floorboards; they were all stacked on the landing. The engineer shook his head (again) and scratched his chin.

"Sorry, love, but I don't think this is a heating problem; I think it's the bath that's leaking. I'll put the floorboards back; you ring for a plumber."

"You are a bloody plumber! And you are not leaving this house until you find that bastard leak!"

He gave me a look, scratched his bum, and carried on searching.

By one o'clock, I had heating. There was a leak. In the original cupboard.

By late afternoon, I went upstairs to change into a bikini; I had heating and boy was I gonna enjoy it. I opened the bedroom door. And swore. Loudly. The laminate flooring, which I had spent most of the summer laying, was in pieces spread out across the floor. I am tempted to get him back to 'make good' the damage, but how many days will I waste sitting inside waiting for him to return? I am old; I probably don't have that many days left...

I gingerly lifted a laminate-puzzle piece, and peeked inderneath. Well, at least he had put the floorboards back...