Thursday, 11 December 2008

The Dating Game

This follows on quite nicely from yesterday, I feel. Now, I've been single for a while. I'm independent and relatively competent. I have my own power tools. I do my own DIY. Usually with a slight Sara-esque quality, but hey! My bookshelves have character; they remind me of slightly pissed, jolly old men as they lilt slightly to the side. And I like wonky. Honestly.

So I don't actually need a man, but I would quite like one. Once a week for a couple of hours would suit me just fine. Oh, to be able to say: "Darling! It's your turn to put the bins out!" or "Sweetheart! Pop up into the attic and find the Christmas tree!" or "Beloved! Mow the lawn!"
I'm not mean; I wouldn't make him do everything, just the jobs I hate. It could even be two men on a job share - I'm not fussy, you know.

But men don't tend to do things for nothing; they want things in return. In my case, it's usually a Mummy figure. For some weird reason, I seem to attract men with deep-rooted psychological problems: men who need a Mom to chase the bogeyman away. It must be me; I must be giving off some bizarre vibe, but I'll be buggered if I know what it is, or how to switch it off.

Yep! Strange men and dogs - they love me. And that's why I'll be staying single...

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